Simple

Sometimes, there's nothing more simple in life then just wanting someone who loves you.

Best Of You

This is just one of those articles I feel like I have to write or I'm just going to explode, leaving my insides all over the computer screen. I've been watching 'The Break-Up' for days now as an attempt to get over my recent decision to end my latest relationship. I thought I was making decent progress - the crying had subsided and the ache in my stomach was nearly gone. Then last night happened.

I went out to a charge charity event last night. It's one of those pretentious shindigs where you dress up really fancy, drink lots of alcohol and make rude comments about what other people are wearing. Well, that's what people seemed to be doing anyways as my friend and I munched on the food from the free buffet. Somehow our conversation turned from other people's poor fashion sense to my recent breakup.

I think it's fair to say that breakups are never really easy. Well, they're not easy if you don't have a backup plan and another guy/girl waiting for you on the other end. My breakup was somewhat amicable, compared to my breakups of the past. However, there is one lingering issue that still continue to defeat me and lingers in my mind and prevents me from moving on.

He had someone else.

I'm sure many people will argue that there are many levels of "cheating." Some people say only sex is cheating. Others would say that a kiss is cheating. For me, cheating can be emotional. In fact, to me, emotional cheating is the worst kind of cheating. You can sleep with someone and never see them again - but the emotional bond when formed with a "close friendship" is the most dangerous form of cheating.

I knew that with him starting medical school and carpooling with one other girl didn't sit right in my stomach, but I figured to have a healthy relationship I had to trust him. I had to set aside my own personal baggage and trust that the guy I was dating was unlike the garbage I had dated in the past. Besides, he assured me I had nothing to worry about and he seemed head over heels for me.

Over time, as our relationship began to decline, I would notice him mentioning her more and more. Dropping her name in casual conversation, talking about her in class. He later told me that in the next semester in school they'd be spending days together at the hospital. I silently cried, I think deep down I knew but I couldn't accept it - I mean, afterall, she had a boyfriend - could anything really be going on?

Unfortunately in reality my boyfriend talked to a lot of women. I would laugh and say he was more like a woman then a man - he was a gossip and a flirt. I don't remember a night where he didn't send a text to another woman. Of course he assured me that all the women he spoke to were only friends - but when do you draw the line and say enough is enough - when you're with me, you're with me.

I realize, as I'm writing this I'm kicking myself.

I suppose I should have known early on that his socializing would be a problem. Having just come from an earlier relationship where he left me for a 'friend' I knew that I would have a hard time accepting his behavior. But I really tried. I tried to accept that he needed to talk to these women for whatever reason, but the more he talked to them, the less he wanted to talk to me.

Eventually I couldn't hide my frustration anymore - his behavior combined with an overall lack of respect and sensitivity just made me feel disgusting. Within a matter of months almost everything that I had liked about him had slipped away. I was hanging onto memories of what he was and not what he is now.

So why am I so upset? If our relationship was so awful, then I shouldn't care that it's over. Well, I do wish it was that easy. I think I'm in morning for the man I met in the beginning - and the man who might be making someone else very happy event though he gave up on me. It just hurts me to think that the reality of the situation is that he'll end up with one of those girls he had emotional affairs with. He'll seduce her with stories about how mean of a girlfriend I was and she'll consule him by telling him that I didn't deserve him. They'll start dating and he'll woo her, bringing her home to the family - pretending that everything is perfect and right again. All the while, in the background, I cant help but feel like, dare I say it - a victim.

But let's be realistic - I'm not a victim - I'm just a fool that held on to a failing relationship, believing that things would work out. This isn't the first time I've been a fool and unfortunately it wont be my last. I guess I only hope that he treats his new girl(s) the way he treated me. I hope he calls them his 'piggy bank' and refuses to share a bed with them. I hope he makes them feel as little as he made me feel. Maybe then, I wont feel so bad that he had my replacement lined up the entire time.

Thanks...